Lessons Learned After Recording My Breakup

I’m not who I thought I was.

Do you ever leave an argument or discussion so sure about what was said? Or the way you came across?

I thought I had near-photographic memory when it came to important discussions. I was wrong.

For months I’ve prattled on about my relationship with Thomas. He promised last month that he’d finally divorce his wife. When he hadn’t done it after the deadline, I knew it was officially time to break up.

In the past, I’d cave when setting boundaries with men. This time, I recorded the conversation. If things went awry, I needed to know where I was bamboozled or lost my nerve.

After listening to the conversation, I learned more about myself than I have in years of therapy.

Before anyone comes at me for recording the conversation, chill. “Thomas” isn’t his real name. There’s nothing identifiable. I made changes when necessary. I deleted the conversation after I typed it. Considering that I’ve gone into detail about multiple guys’ dicks, impotence, and my ex-husband’s massage parlor “happy endings”, a breakup conversation isn’t something y’all should come after me about. As far as anyone is concerned, it could be fiction.

When arguing with my ex-husband Joseph, he often complained that I continuously drove a point home and wouldn’t stop. My reply was how I needed to make sure he understood my point of view or what I was trying to convey.

Listening to myself, I realized that I wasn’t retelling the subject in different ways for it to be better understood. The words were the same. Repeated over and over at different times.

I need to cut that shit out. It didn’t come across like I was educating him. Instead, it sounded like a verbal bat smacked repeatedly into our conversation.

Since I don’t have conversations with myself, my only way to “hear” myself is through writing. I’m a writer by trade and my writings are frequently curated by the omnipotent Medium Lords-That-Be.

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